Reckless
by Nelson Bannaba
Summary: Kagome wasn't perfect, but only Miroku seemed to notice.MirKag oneshot, lime


_AN: This is a one-shot written for the Live journal community, iy flashfic. "Reckless" was inspired, in particular, by manga chapters 457 & 458. Kagome was taunted by an illusion of Kikyo who accused her of being pretentious and bitterly jealous. It was hinted that Kagome had been corrupted and had become hopelessly tangled in Naraku's web of deceit. Even though she did retrieve the bow for Kikyo, it must have been a humbling experience for Kagome. This is where my interpretive liberties and story begin._

_Warnings: lime _

Many thanks to **_nokomarie_**_ and for her last-minute beta assistance._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.  
_  
x x x x x

It didn't take as much effort as Kagome would've thought to adjust to _not being good. _She simply slid right into the role of being a normal, flawed participant in the quest to complete the shikon jewel.

Only now she felt vulnerable, exposed for the imperfect, not-so-good girl she truly was. Kagome knew that ordinary, imperfect girls were entirely expendable in the fight between good and evil. The gods did not watch over or grant miracles for ordinary folk like Kagome. She'd officially joined the masses and become cannon fodder.

Kagome's shoulders slumped and sighed. It was childish to want to be perfect, to be better than everyone else. Kagome had relinquished that desire a week ago near a remote mountain shrine where she had faced Kikyo's phantom. Then, she had held fast to the rocks for dear life, a temporary prisoner to the snide voices in her head. _'You are as bad as the rest', _they'd told her._ 'Give up!'_

The phantom voices had turned out to be absolutely correct. Still, Kagome hadn't given up. She'd obtained the bow with which she was to save Kikyo. And, as the phantom had hinted, it hadn't been the brave and redeeming act she'd originally thought it would be.

Perhaps the sense of bravery was simply overshadowed by her private admission that she was as bad as the rest. It was humbling; she was not special, at least not special in the sense of being exempt from pettiness and imperfection.

It was also a relief. She could give the 'great heroine' bit a rest now.

Afterwards, she almost expected her friends to give her looks that said "I told you so" and exchange bet money.

_Hey everyone! Bets are now open on when Kagome will fall off her high horse!_

But no one seemed to notice any change in her. Well almost no one. Miroku must have sensed a change, for a few nights later he approached her, eyeing her for a few seconds before he sat down beside her.

"You seem different, Kagome. Are you feeling well?"

Kagome shook her head, "Is it that obvious?"

"Is what that obvious?" Miroku asked. "What's bothering you?"

"Did Sango send you over here to talk to me?"

"No, actually, I was concerned."

"Of course you were."

"My, aren't we suspicious?" Miroku winked at her before he wandered off.

x x x x x

The night, Kagome awoke to the sounds of Miroku thrashing in his sleep. She laid there in her sleeping bag, trying to ignore the noise and fall back to sleep. As soon as she would drift off, he would groan or cry out and startle her awake again. This went on for some time and Kagome considered throwing a rock at him. If she woke him, at least he might quiet down.

Miroku whimpered in the darkness and Kagome felt a little guilty after that last thought. She heard more thrashing and opened her eyes to see him sitting up. He appeared to be trembling.

"Miroku, are you okay?"

"No, I'm not," he said quietly.

Kagome pulled herself out of her sleeping back and scooted over to him. She was trembling now as well, but only from the cold. "It sounded as if you were having an awful dream."

Miroku shifted uncomfortably and was quiet for some time. When he finally spoke, his words came out in a rush. Kagome had to listen carefully so as not to become confused by disjointed whispers. His wound hurt, he confessed. It would soon destroy him from the inside out. Kagome had already suspected this, but she was surprised when he would admit that it terrified him.

He also confessed that he did not love Sango. Not really. Pretending he did made him feel good. It was nice to think he had someone special in his life; someone who'd remember him after he was gone. At times, he even had himself fooled. But did not love her and that was that.

A year ago, a month ago, a week ago, Kagome would have protested, would have told Miroku that it was not true, he _did _love Sango. He definitely would_ not_ end his life without having found true love. The old Kagome would have said that and believed it. But not anymore, she now understood about not being perfect.

x x x x x

"Look, quick! Inuyasha is staring at Sango's backside," Miroku whispered excitedly in Kagome's ear.

Kagome chuckled. A sense of humor was one of the benefits of not having to take yourself so seriously. It was the upside to not being very nice. "Where else is Inuyasha going to look, Miroku? After all he's walking directly behind her." Kagome whispered back in mock reproof.

"And why do you think he's walking behind her in the first place?"

Miroku seemed to get a little closer than necessary to her ear this time. She had to watch that. Kagome suspected that the line between friendship and sex was irrevocably blurred in the monk's mind.

"You two, what are you whispering about? Stop that!" Sango yelled at them over her shoulder.

"See there, she looked behind her and didn't seem to mind the attention he's giving her…" Kagome giggled again.

Kagome found herself enjoying Miroku's company more and more. This was perhaps because of all six of their little group, he was the least good. Consequently, she soon learned that he was also the most entertaining by far. He seemed to have an endless supply of suggestive jokes.

"Kagome, can you tell me why is Sango always walking into my hand? It makes me glad that Inuyasha isn't nearly as clumsy as she."

"I can only imagine the thump you'd receive for that."

Another advantage to spending time with Miroku was that it made Inuyasha jealous. She wasn't perfect anymore, so what was the harm in indulging in a bit of petty behavior?

"We've attracted his attention again."

"Really now," Kagome snorted. "Is he staring?"

She made a half-hearted attempt not to feel smug about it before she allowed herself to wallow in the bitter sensations.

"Not only that. He's stopped stuffing his face full of Ramen in order to stare at us," Miroku told her. "By the way, your mother really is a wonderful cook, Kagome."

Kagome shrugged.

"Just peek over your shoulder, but be sly about it." Miroku urged in a whisper.

Kagome tittered. "What's with him anyway? We're just talking."

Miroku gave her a wink. "We should give him something to be jealous of."

"I think this is a good point to end this conversation." Kagome gave him a hard look before she walked away. It was best not to push things.

x x x x x

In all actuality, Kagome did not spend much time alone with Miroku. Mainly, the two engaged in brief exchanges while on the road. Still, a few times, Kagome did sit down beside him at the campsite to talk when she was feeling pensive. He was good for a mood lift, she found. After a little over a week of engaging in suggestive conversation, Kagome found herself flirting back.

Kagome allowed herself this little indulgence. Since she wasn't all nice anymore, who cared if she allowed a sex-starved monk to stroke her ego a little?

So it was that by the time she realized that she was pushing things, it was too late.

Sango hovered at first, but she didn't enjoy Miroku's flirtatious behavior and so she quickly learned to stay away. When Miroku had an audience, he would flirt shamelessly with her, even though he treated Sango fairly respectfully when they were alone together. Kagome didn't mind, but it did make her rethink what he'd said about not being in love with Sango.

"I could give you tips on how to woo her, you realize."

"Are you suggesting that I need them?"

"I think you need all the help you can get…but it'll cost you."

"Are you coming on to me?"

"That's it. I'm not helping you at all."

"I do well enough on my own."

"Sure. Try not to think of all you'll be missing out on."

x x x x x

Surprisingly, Sango didn't seem jealous. She seemed to accept the changes in Kagome's and Miroku's relationship, perhaps because Miroku still spent the bulk of his time by Sango's side. Also, Miroku never flirted with Kagome when Sango was around, though he felt no compunction doing so with other women. It was odd and it made Kagome a little nervous.

The fluttery feeling in the pit of her stomach when Miroku was around also made her nervous. The _butterflies_, as she'd heard them called, were particularly active when he flirted with her.

She should've known that their friendly relationship was too good to last. She was not perfect and therefore subject to inappropriate attractions just like everyone else. And because she wasn't perfect, she did not put a halt to that particular guilty pleasure.

Miroku didn't see fit to do so either. Eventually, the butterflies transformed themselves into a slow burn in the pit of her belly and occasionally a mild ache in Kagome's nether regions. But only when he flashed a grin her way and his eyes sparkled with something darker than amusement. He seemed to be doing those things with increasing frequency these days.

x x x x x

Soon after, Miroku and Kagome found themselves in the unlikely position of actually being alone together. Inuyasha was scouting and Sango and Kirara were at the river washing youkai blood off of her uniform. Kagome would normally have accompanied her, but had excused herself claiming a headache. Miroku distracted Shippou by demonstrating how to make a paper swan.

Kagome felt nervous as she slipped into the surrounding forest. It took a lot of effort to move quietly. Her feet rustled in the dried leaves and the fluttery feeling the pit of her stomach made her just a bit lightheaded. She steadied herself against a tree and took a few deep breaths reminding herself that this was what she wanted before she continued.

When Miroku found her, he tried to kiss her. She backed up reflexively. He took her hand and gently pulled her back towards him.

Kagome stood still for the next attempt. His lips were softer than they looked. His fingertips brushed across her check. His other hand trailed along the outline of her waist until it rested on the swell of her hip. From there, he moved his hand slowly up the small of her back and pressed her to him. She was surprised that she could feel the heat radiating off of him through thin cotton of her shirt.

"You're so warm," she told him, not caring if it wasn't a particularly original thing to say.

He mumbled something that may have been suggestive, but she didn't catch it. Her attention was occupied elsewhere, since Miroku had just slipped his hand beneath her skirt and was tracing a finger across a damp spot he'd found there. She wasn't prepared for how excited his touch made her. Kagome gasped and wrapped her arms around his waist and molded her body to his. He deepened his kiss and began to lower her to the forest floor. The action startled her out of her sex-induced daze, though her head was still spinning and her body felt limp.

"You don't waste any time, do you?" Kagome told him breathily. Shewanted toask him to slow things down, but at that moment he leaned down for another kiss. She could feel him smile against her lips. The feel of his full weight pressing her to the ground was delicious and she began to lose herself once again in the languorous feeling. She parted her legs slightly and he settled himself between them, grinding himself against her as he scrambled to remove her clothing.

And she would have let him if it weren't for the noise they were making. The rustling and crackling of the leaves beneath her back distracted her. _What if Inuyasha heard them and came to investigate?_ A shiver ran through her at the thought, which cooled the heat which had been building between her legs. She pulled back slightly, "Can't we, um, move someplace else?"

"Mmm," Miroku groaned against her throat as he fiddled with the buttons of her shirt.

"We don't want to attract attention."

Miroku didn't respond and Kagome felt panic rising in her chest. His weight suddenly felt constricting and she found it difficult to catch her breath.

Kagome tried to squirm away from his hands as he hitched up her skirt. "Miroku!"

The monk paused and opened his eyes. "No one will bother us, Kagome. Especially if they realize what we're up to."

Kagome recoiled at his words. She squeezed her eyes shut in attempt calm herself. "Can't do this, can't." She pressed her hands against his chest until he rolled off of her and sat up. "You understand, don't you?" Kagome asked him as she hastily tugged her shirt back into place.

He didn't reply and she didn't look back as she fled in the direction of the camp.

Kagome stumbled through the trees, her progress hampered by her clumsy attempts to simultaneously button her blouse and traverse her way through the tangled undergrowth. But she felt better than she had in weeks. Something had clicked into place in her mind. She was surprised that she hadn't seen it before.

She was not perfect, that was true. She was destined to make many mistakes. But not here, not now. The not-so-nice Kagome may have many faults, but _reckless_ was not one of them. And so she stumbled onward.

x x x x x

Left behind, Miroku allowed himself fall back heavily against the forest floor and let out a long-suffering sigh. "Why the hell does this always happen to me?" he asked aloud of no one in particular.


End file.
